


Decembers

by lukeyandlou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Bottom Louis, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Fluff, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Sad, Short Story, Suicide, Time/Changes, Top Harry, Tragedy, a little bit of liam zayn and niall, a little bit of sex, larry stylinson - Freeform, louis and harry are childhood best friends, louisandharry, one of them dies SORRY, some Lottie, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-04 01:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2904464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukeyandlou/pseuds/lukeyandlou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis met Harry in his twelvth December. Louis loved Harry in his fifteenth December.<br/>Louis left Harry in his Seventeenth December. </p><p>And every year that passed was another tear on his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Twelth December

**Author's Note:**

> SORRY I SUCK AT SUMMARIES
> 
> Anyways this is a short story (mostly fluff with a tragic ending) about how time can affect relationships and how things can change.  
> Basically, this is a story about change.  
> Just something quick I scrapped up on a Sunday morning to help me escape from today's thoughts. This chapter kinda sucks bc first chapters usually do.
> 
> THIS IS AN AU

Louis met Harry in his twelth December. 

Louis Tomlinson never had a very exciting life, well, so far. He was a twelve year old boy living in London, a place surrounded by beautiful women and things to do, but since school had went out for break he had spent his days locked inside of his small, dark bedroom with his video game controller in his hand or Green Day blasting through his earphones. His mother often opened the door, causing Louis to scoff at the interruption. 

"It's the fifth day that you've been sitting in here love, this certainly isn't healthy," she says, not receiving a response from the snarky young boy besides a slight snarl as he returned to his game. 

"You're a young boy, why don't you go out into the city with your mates? There are so many girls to chase and things to do and you're wasting away your opprotunities. You always played football with Niall in the summer, what happened to that?" She asks.

Louis found many faults in her statement, faults that even further pushed him to want her out of his presence.

1\. Louis did have some mates, he never had sat at the lunch tables alone, but he hadn't bothered contacting them, since he had to see enough of them during school. 

2\. Louis hated going out into the city. It was filled with laughter and voices and children crying, three things that seemed to drive Louis insane. It was a place surrounded by people, and Louis didn't at all like people. Nothing was more annoying than tourists, which were quite popular around Christmas time.

3\. Louis had no interest in chasing females. The ones that hit on him at school were extremely annoying. He was nearly thirteen but the thought of kissing one STILL made his stomach turn. He thought this was maybe because he despised humans in general.

4\. Niall was his best friend, but he had went to Ireland for the holidays. Before he left, they had a fight about Louis becoming so rude to others (which he apparently wasn't last year) and Louis had told him to fuck off, which made Niall cry. Louis felt bad, but Niall shouldnt have questioned him.

"Am I not allowed to spend some to myself? Is that the biggest sin in the world to you? I think I'm better off being alone than going off shooting up heroine and getting some slag pregnant, Jesus Christ," he exclaims. Although his tone is harsh and mean, his mother is ecstatic to even get a word out of her oldest child.

"It's maybe because he has no friends, since he acts like such an ass," his younger sister Lottie butts in.

"Lottie, what did I tell you about such vulgar language?" His mother says. Louis wants to flip her off, but his mother wouldn't let that slip past. 

"I fear that you've become depressed," his mother suggests.

"I am NOT depressed," Louis snarls. He had heard of people who cut their skin and wanted to die, but he didn't at all understand it. He would never be one of those people.

The woman sighs, wanting to play with her son's hair and kiss cheeks, but she knew he'd push her away. She knew that he was just acting out from his father walking out on them,and she knew that the real Louis would return. It would just take the right something or someone to repair him. 

"I'm going to take the little kids shopping. There are new people moving in next door, I was hoping you and Lottie would greet them and give them the chocolate cake I left on the counter," she said. 

Louis has six younger siblings. Lottie was eight and Felicite was six, Phoebe and Daisy were two and Ernest and Doris were newborns. He had to look after them when his mother was at work since his father left, and it was hard for a twelve year old to do, but he couldn't find the heart to hate them. Lottie was an exception, especially when she pulled the earphones right out of his ears when his mother left. 

"Get the hell out of here, play with your dolls or something," Louis snaps. 

"No, mother said we have to give the cake to the neighbors," she says, trying to pull him off the bed. 

"You can carry a cake yourself," Louis replies.

"But I need you to come. I'm scared that I'm going to get kidnapped like Dorothy White did," Lottie trembles.

A young girl from Lottie's class had went missing three weeks ago.

"Fine. But only for a moment," he says, getting up and grabbing their coats.

Lottie's eyes light up in excitement, in disbelief that she had managed to get her brother out of bed. He couldn't believe it either. 

After getting dressed to face the freezing air of Great Britain, Louis and Lottie walked out with their mother's homemade cake in Louis' pale hands. They walked to the house next door, seeing two adults move in boxes from a big truck  and a boy Louis' age sitting on the porch, throwing a baseball up and down in boredom and sadness. He notices Louis and Lottie walking up and he smiles really big, dimples poking into his rosy cheeks. It almost makes Louis smile back.

  The boy is about to say something when Louis trips over a small rock, causing the cake to slip from his grasp but is quickly saved by Lottie. 

"Oops," Louis says in embarrassment, causing all three kids to chuckle. 

"Hi," Harry says, staring at Louis so intensely it makes him a bit uneasy, yet there is a level of soothing in the boy's emerald eyes that he'd never seen before, that made him feel safe and protected. 

"I'm Louis and this is my sister Lottie and we live next door. My mother baked a chocolate cake and she wanted us to give it to your family," Louis says, trying to break the awkwardness. 

"Aww, how lovely! I'll give it to my mum later on, thank you so much!" He says, opening the window and pushing the cake into the kitchen window, which already had a table.

"She's sorry that she couldn't give it to your parents herself, but its been hectic for the holidays and she had to go shopping. We just wanted to welcome you to our street," Louis says. Lottie is shocked at his politeness. 

"It does mean a lot to us. I'm Harry, and I just moved here from Cheshire. My mum said that the house next door had a boy that'd I'd be going to school with, I suppose that's you?" Harry says.

"I suppose so," Louis says, and although he also supposes that this is the point in the conversation where they part ways, Louis really didn't want to stop talking to Harry. This was something that he did not understand, for he never liked conversations with people. He didn't understand what made Harry different. 

"You want to come over my house and play video games?" Louis asks, and he didn't even realize his words until after he says them. Lottie literally gasps from surprise. Louis hadn't socialzed voluntarily in a long while, especially not with boys he just met. 

"Sure," Harry says, his face lighting up in glee. He hops over the porch and follows Louis to the next house, knowing his parents won't mind where he is as long as he returns by sundown. Louis silently regrets inviting Harry over, but the happiness on his face definately makes up for it. 

Harry talks about how he misses his friends, especially his best friends, Liam, Zayn, and Alice, and he was extremely unhappy about the move but ever since his father had been imprisoned his mother couldn't handle being in the same house. Harry explained that the new man was soon to be his step dad, and he had a son called Nick who was a year older but he already had friends in London. Louis was surprised how quick Harry was to explain personal things. However, he never said why his father had been imprisoned. Maybe Harry and Louis just shared a bond of having absent fathers, but both boys knew that being in each others company gave them an unknown feeling, but it felt good. They were then too young to understand it. 

 

When Louis' mother returned, she turned away and cried in happiness over the fact that Louis had invited someone to hang out with him, and that he had befriended the neighbor. Harry adored Louis' younger siblings. Louis smiled for the first time in months. 

And even though Harry really sucked at FIFA, Louis knew that he would invite Harry again.

 

And that was how it all started.


	2. The Thirteenth December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly a filler.

Louis knew Harry in his thirteenth December.

A lot had changed in Louis Tomlinson since he had met Harry Styles. Of course, the natural snarkiness and pessimistic attitude still existed in him, as it was simply an aspect of his personality, but he loved waking up to go and hear the laugh of his best friend. He was kind to his family and smiled at strangers, and didn't awake with the automatic assumption that it was going to be a horrible day. His teenage years had just began, and he saw that the future was going to be bright.

"Are you sure you're going to be alright? I could get a sitter for the kids and tag along," his mother worried as she quickly stuffed sandwiches into a brown bag.

"Mum, I'm not a baby anymore. Last year you complained about me being inside all of the time and now you don't want me leaving?" Louis says, excitedly shoving his luggage into a dirty duffle bag.

"I'm sorry if I am a little bit off the steady side about my thirteen year old son going on a camping trip with a bunch of other kids for the weekend. If I didn't know how responsible you are with the little kids, I wouldn't be allowing you to go at all," she says.

"Exactly, if something happens to me, at least you've got six more," Louis says.

"That isn't at all funny Louis. Did you pack some extra sweaters? It's going to be freezing and the last thing I want to hear is that my son is hospitalized for frostbite," she whines.

"Of course I did, you know I hate the cold. Just my luck I'm growing up in England," Louis rolls his eyes. All of his life he's been very short and skinny for his age, and losing the extra body aide causes him to cold for the majority of days.

"Okay baby. Have fun and take care of yourselves. I love you," she says, making sure Louis has all of his bags intacted and in grasp. The last thing any of them need is for him to misplace something critical.

"Love you too," he says, failing to avoid her kiss on his cheek. At least no one was around to witness it. 

Louis has never been more excited to open the door of his small house and skip through the snow towards the house next door. He has been over Harry's house so many times that he no longer needs to knock on the door. 

"Well, look who's got here first! No surprise there," Harry's step brother Nick says.

"Well, it'd be a bit concerning if it was a surprise, considering I live thirty seconds away," Louis replies.

"Don't get wise," Nick says, lighting a cigarette and walking straight past Louis. Louis glares at the back of the boy's head. Nick wasn't around much of the time, but when he was, he was never kind to anybody.

"LOU LOU!" Harry says, coming out of the hallway and engulfing the smaller boy in a bear hug.

"Hey sweet cheeks," Louis replies, "Are you pumped for this weekend?!"

"I'm DOUBLE PUMPED FOR THIS WEEKEND!" Harry shouts a bit too loudly. Louis can't help but chuckle at such a typical Harry action.

"To think it was a year ago today that Lottie forced me to accompany her in giving you guys my mother's cake and I made the decision of bringing you over for videogames," Louis points out.

"A year ago today? How do you remember that?" Harry wonders.

"My mind seems to be obsessed with dates. I remember the date of everything basically. Of course my brain can't remember the function of the mitochondria, but it remembers the day we got new neighbors," Louis scoffs.

"It's more than just the day we you got new neighbors," Harry says, "It's the day that I met my best friend!"

Louis takes a moment to consider Harry's statement. Harry had Liam and Zayn and Alice, even Niall who Louis had introduced him too. Louis would never understand how out of all of them, a person like Harry would pick a person like Louis as his BEST friend.

"Hey guys, are you TRIPPLE DOG PUMPED FOR THIS WEEKEND?!" Niall says, jumping through the doorway with a skateboard in one hand, and small bag in the other and sweat dripping out of his golden hair. 

"Let's go boys, we don't want to be late!" Harry's mother shouts, heading to the car to drop Harry, Louis and Niall off at Cheshire to go camping with Harry's old friends. She actually wanted to hurry and leave before her husband returned, or else the boys would have to cancel the trip. 

"WHOEVER'S THE SUPER MOST EXTRA PUMPED GETS TO THE CAR FIRST!" Harry yells, and all three of them go sprinting to the tan mini van. Almost the entire car ride consisted of an argument on whether Niall cheated or not using the skateboard. Niall said he just happened to have to have an advantage, and Louis says if they all had the advantage he would clearly wipe all of them out of the court.

"Here we are kids. I'll be back for you Sunday morning at this spot, don't be later than 10:30 in the morning or you're finding another ride home," she says.

"Bye Mum!" Harry says, "I love you!" 

"Uh-huh," she says, closing the door and disappearing down the road. Harry's face falls a bit, and Louis can't help but to get angry. Harry was simply the most wonderful human that he had ever met, and the fact that his family didn't appreciate him and give him the love he deserved made Louis even angrier that a bad person like himself would be given to a mother who loves him. If he ever told Harry this, he knows that he would just tell Louis a list of wonderful things about him, and Louis didn't need to hear that. His father's words justified any positive thought about Louis Tomlinson.

"HARE BEAR!" a boy behind them shouts, and Harry runs into the arms of two boys and a girl behind him, which Louis recognized as Liam, Zayn and Alice from the photographs in Harry's bedroom. Harry loved them, and Louis knew that Harry loved them because Harry had shared everything he loves with Louis, since he thought Louis was the most wonderful person he had ever met. 

"This is Louis and Niall, my best friends from London, and this is Liam, Zayn and Alice, my best friends from Cheshire," Harry explains.

Everybody greets each other, and Louis notices Niall and Alice look at each other in an awfully strange way. A look that he once saw his mother give his dad, and that he occasionally sees people on the streets give each other when they want to kiss. Louis couldn't imagine Niall having this kind of look in his eye, and having such vibes disgusts him.

Just as Louis is beginning to regret going on this trip, Harry giggles and grabs his hand towards the cabin and he couldn't think of a better place that he wanted to be (except maybe a Green Day concert. But only if Harry was there.)

By the time night falls, all of the kids are bundled up in blankets, beanies and coats, sitting around a fireplace roasting s'mores. 

"You guys are all my favorite people in the entire world and having you all together is the best thing that's ever happened to me," Harry says.

"Aww, I really do miss your sentimental moments," Liam says. 

"Wanna play truth or dare?" Zayn suggests.

Everyone agrees and puts down their food, making sure to have their full attention on the game. There's nothing thirteen year olds love more than truth or dare (except maybe prank calls, but there was horrible reception up here.)

"I'll start off. Alice, truth or dare?" Zayn asks.

"Truth," Alice says.

"If you had to kill all of us except one person, who would you not kill?" Zayn asks.

"Niall," Alice answers right away.

"Well excuse us," Liam says, he, Zayn and Harry appearing offended. Louis laughs.

"Niall, truth or dare?" Alice asks.

"Dare," Niall smirks.

"I dare you to kiss me," Alice says confidently. And he does, even more confidently.

"EWWW!" Everybody shouts, making Niall and Alice giggle and blush heavily.

"Harry, truth or dare?" Niall asks. 

"Truth," Harry replies.

"If you had to make out with any of us, who would it be?" Niall smirks. Everybody leans in curiously, even though they all expected it to be Alice out of default. She was the only girl.

"Louis," Harry answers immediately. Everyone gasps, Louis' eyes widening and his cheeks flashing to the color of the ripest of roses. 

"Cool," Niall says, and although the night continues without mentioning it, it can't seem to leave Louis' mind. 

At Midnight, everyone has fallen asleep in different parts of the cabin, but Louis lays in a sleeping bag in the corner, his eyes wide open at the wooden walls. 

"Can't sleep?" Harry whispers, startling Louis. "Sorry for scaring you," Harry says immediately afterwards, but Louis looked adorable when he was scared.

"I guess I'm just having trouble sleeping so far from home," Louis says. Harry lays his sleeping bag next to Louis' and tucks himself inside of it.

"You know, I'm so happy Lottie brought you to bring the cake that day. You make my life a lot better," Harry says.

"I still remember how we met. I almost dropped the cake and I said Oops, and then you said hi," Louis says.

"Oops and hi, that's pretty catchy. When we are 18, we should get that as our first tattoos," Harry suggests. 

"If we are still friends by then," Louis says. 

"Louis, you are the best friend that I've ever had. You were the first person to welcome me when I moved to London, and over the months I learned that you are the most amazing person in the whole world. I would never let you go. We'll always be best friends, forever and ever until we're old and full of disease," Harry says.

Louis giggles. "You know what my mum asked? She asked if you were my boyfriend," Louis says, laughing right afterwards. "What do you think about gay people?"

"Well, I'm bisexual," Harry confesses.

"I never knew that," Louis replies.

"You still want to be best friends with me, don't you?" Harry asks, vulnerability and fear in his voice.

"Of course I do Harry," Louis says, and he can feel Harry's giant smile inches away.

"I'm thirteen years old and I've never had an interest in girls. I'm starting to think maybe I'm gay," Louis whispers, terror in his voice at the first time he said it out loud.

"It's okay if you are, it's okay if you aren't. You're still young and have time to figure that out," Harry replies. 

"I haven't even had my first kiss. Have you?" Louis asks. Harry nods, but it's too dark for Louis to notice the sadness on his usually cheerful face.

"Who was it?" Louis asks, anticipation in his voice. 

"It was my father," Harry answers. Louis freezes, trying to take in what he was just told.

Maybe that was why his father was in prison.

How could such a horrible, disgusting thing happen to such a wonderful, innocent person?

It made Louis hate the world even more. A tear fell down his face, and he hopes Harry doesn't notice. They'd be quiet for a couple moments, so maybe he had fallen asleep.

"Best friends forever, right?" Harry asks. 

"Forever," Louis says, holding out his pinkie to swear on it. The boys lock pinkies and spit on it, so that'd it be unbreakable.

"Goodnight Harry, love you like a brother," Louis whispers.

"Goodnight Louis. Love you too," Harry replies.

He didn't finish the phrase because he was no longer sure if he just loved Louis as a brother.


	3. The Fourteenth December

It was the fourteenth December when Louis kissed Harry. 

Louis' mother was out of town for the night, and his Nan was here to help him look after the little kids. However, she had been sleeping for hours and was constantly asking Louis to make her tea, so it just seemed as Louis had extra babysitting to do. Louis had been used to babysitting ever since he reached double digits, but it was particularly a very unfortunate night to live up to the task. 

It was now nearly midnight, and Louis had gotten everyone to fall asleep. He layed in his bed with the navy blanket wrapped several times around his shivering body, trying to block out the sounds of the pouring rain and evil thunder. He was already fourteen so it was quite the embarrassment that he was still terrified of thunderstorms. Besides the fact that his phobia was pushing him over the edge, Louis had thoughts much more important than a booming sound outside. 

It was a couple months ago that Louis figured out that he wasn't a heterosexual. He had seen boys and he liked to look at them, he liked their bodies and their faces and their smell and everything about them. Even though their was no denying the fact, he was terrified to face it. He thought that maybe society had grown enough to see someone for their personality rather than their sexuality, but then a boy at school had been jumped for coming out as gay. Louis had never had an important role at school- he wasn't bullied, but he wasn't loved. He was kind of just there, keeping to his own business and small group of friends. And precisely, he wanted to keep it that way. Louis knew that if he were to come out as some kind of homosexual, his casual life would definitely change. And the thought of being beaten up by a group of guys daily wasn't too apealing. And this was why Louis found it terrifying. He didn't want to like boys that way. He wanted to like girls, he wanted to like breasts and lipstick and kissing girls. He wanted to be able to kiss the young lady who had took a fancy to him a couple months ago. But he couldn't, because the thought of it made him nautious and he didn't think about kissing woman late at night. He only felt right thinking about kissing boys, no matter how hard he tried to enjoy otherwise. He felt so angry that he, out of all people, had to be the one to be attracted to the wrong gender. It just made him hate himself more and more to the point where he couldn't take it. Louis forces himself out of bed, putting on a coat and writing a note that he was going to be sleeping over at Harry's. He went out the door as quickly as possible without waking anybody up. He quickly walks next door, shivering from the stinging icy wind and his hair already dripping wet from the pouring rain. He finally reaches Harry's house, knocking on the window of Harry's room as quick as possible. "Louis?" Harry asks in a sleepy tone, opening the window and wincing from the freezing temperatures. "I'm sorry for waking you up but I'm just having a really bad night.." Louis says, jumping in terror after a roar of thunder. "God Louis, get in here!" Harry says, pulling Louis right through the window and then slamming it closed. "I really shouldn't of woken you up, I'm sorry," Louis shudders, wrapping himself in a ball and resting his head on his knees. "Don't be sorry Louis, that's what best friends are for," Harry says. Louis tries so hard to keep the water from falling out of his eyes, but he couldn't help but let one drop slide down his pale cheek. And as soon as that one came out, he starting sobbing. "Oh Louis," Harry says, wrapping his arms tight around the shivering boy. Despite his sassy attitude, Louis was an extremely vulnerable person, and seeing him in this state was breaking Harry's heart. "Do you wanna tell me what happened?" Harry asks, rubbing circles into Louis' back. Louis doesn't respond, but puts his hands on Harry's shoulders and looked into his eyes. He knew Harry wasn't going to judge him, Harry was bisexual himself. Harry never judges anybody. Harry was his best friend. He could trust Harry. He was just so afraid of admitting it out loud. Saying it to another person makes it final. "I'm gay," Louis says outright, feeling like he had dropped the ton that had been on his shoulders in that moment. "It doesn't matter if you are gay or not baby. I know it's hard sometimes to face but you should always be proud of who you are and the people who really love you will always support you," Harry tells him. Louis doesn't want to admit that Harry calling him baby makes his heart flutter. "I love you, and I'll always support you," Harry finishes. "I love you too-" Louis begins. "No Louis, I am in love with you. I have been for a long time, but you've always been too much of an idiot to realize it," Harry confesses, now appearing as the vulnerable one. Louis takes a second to think about the statement Harry just made. Harry Styles, the most beautiful and amazing person that had ever walked the Earth, was in love with someone like him? "Do you think I could kiss you, you know just to make sure I'm gay?" Louis asks nervously. Harry grabs Louis' head and presses his lips to the boys, taking Louis by surprise at first. After about three seconds, Louis realizes and how good it feels, so he closes his eyes and presses his lips back against Harry's, which makes Harry smile through it. They up making out for about five minutes, until Harry pulls away, his hands still on Louis' cheeks. "Definitely gay," Louis giggles. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for that, I never knew it would happen," Harry whispers. Louis is almost afraid of the way Harry looks at him. He looks at him in the same disgusting way that Niall and Alice were looking at each other last year. Now, he understood it. He understood how good it felt, and that love was a good thing. He never thought feeling so intimidate with Harry would feel so good. He never knew that he loved Harry this way, but now he realized how he did. "What does this mean?" Louis asks. "Do you love me?" Harry asks. "Yes, so much," Louis replies without hesitation. "Did you love kissing me?" Harry asks. "Yes, so much," Louis asks. "Would you want to kiss me again?" Harry wonders. "Of course," Louis replies, and he tries leaning in again but Harry stops him. "Would you want to be my boyfriend?" Harry asks, feeling nervous. Louis thinks for a moment. "Yes, I'd be honored to be your boyfriend," Louis answers. Harry smiles big and they kiss again. "Okay, then we're boyfriends now. Let's get some sleep," Harry says. "Okay," Louis smiles, laying down with Harry spooning over him. The night wasn't at all awkward. It was pleasurable and adorable. "I love you Louis," Harry says. "I love you too, Harry." Now, it wasn't at all like a brother.


	4. The Fifteenth December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Profanity (as always), mentions of drug use, underage sex, and much corniness. (But who doesn't love that?) 
> 
> • this is not supposed to be good smut, it's just a nessacary scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who doesn't love a sex scene to start off a new year?  
> And PS, follow me!  
> Twitter: @outsiderslwt  
> Instagram: @reject.safe  
> Snapchat: @electrasarah

It was the fifteenth December that Louis loved Harry.

Although Louis and Harry had met three years ago, today was their one year anniversary. One year since Louis had snuck into Harry's room on the sorrowful rainy night and they had kissed and became boyfriends. Louis had always had an average life before, nothing ever very exciting. However, this past amazing year was the best he had ever had. For once, he thinks he may feel completely happy. 

Louis was starting to fear that he loved Harry. Well, of course he loved Harry, but the terrifying thought had creeped into his brain that he was head over heels in love with Harry, the kind that you would do anything for them. He would probably die for Harry. The kind of love that only happens a few times in your life. For some unfortunate people, it doesn't happen at all. 

Louis and Harry had only came out to their close friends, because Louis wasn't ready for the school to know he's gay and Harry's stepbrother Nick beat up kids for being gay. Harry wishes that they can both be honest and themselves to the world, mainly because he was so lucky to have Louis and everyone needed to know, but he knew the consequences that would be faced if they did. It was okay though, because all of their relationship was private to themselves and they liked it better that way.

Louis had marked it on his calender that today was his and Harry's one year, even though he would never forget the date. He just hoped that Harry noticed it in big red writing every time he was in Louis' room, because he would be pretty upset if Harry didn't remember. And he knew Harry had a foggy mind a lot of the time. 

Louis was walking through London, thinking about how much he had changed from the past. He used to refuse to go into town due to his hatred for tourists and couples and Christmas shopping, but now seeing all of it made him smile real bright. Being around Harry gave him a new appreciation for the world and all within it, and a state of mind that believed in love and happiness and maybe even happy endings. 

He went into a small shop with no specific catagory, just many items at many price ranges. Unfortunately, Louis only had a very small set of money, so Harry's present couldnt be major. This was upsetting and embarrassing to Louis, but a small gift was better than nothing. 

Louis walked up and down the store aisles, receiving many dirty looks from adults who think he may be shoplifting. He goes through the clearance bin and rummages through the items, thinking hard about what Harry would appreciate. Harry doesn't wear ties, Harry doesn't use leg warmers. Louis growls in frustration and is about to give up when he catches something soft at the tips of his fingers. He digs a bit deeper and pulls out a small brown teddy bear. It's simple and beat up, with one of the eyes nearly falling out, but he thought maybe Harry would appreciate it. 

Louis smirked and purchased the bear and ran home, wrapping it quickly and sloppily before jumping over to Harry's house. 

He opens the door and peers inside, a bit nervous of the heavy silence that surrounds his small body. He has to admit that the perfection of Harry's house made him a bit uneasy, like his family had spent so much time trying to make it look good on the outside that they were wrecking themselves on the inside. 

"Harry? Are you home?" He calls out, walking quietly towards Harry's room. He'd be pretty damn pissed if Harry wasn't home, he knew damn well that Louis was sleeping over tonight. 

Louis opens the door to Harry's room, the curly haired boy popping out from behind the doorway. "Boo!"

Louis jumps and drops his bag, falling against the doorway. "You asshole," he mumbles. 

Harry laughs hysterically, bending down to help Louis up. "Sorry. Happy anniversary baby," Harry says, kissing Louis' cheek. Louis smiles, wondering if his big red writing had been effectful or if he was just really important to Harry. 

Louis also realizes that Harry is wearing nothing except tight whities, and the outline of his bulge is definitely popping out. Louis gulps and tries not to get hard himself, thinking about kissing Harry's torso (and other unmentionable places). 

"Take a picture, it lasts longer," Harry laughs, sitting on the bed and pulling Louis onto his lap. 

"Where's your family?" Louis asks, snuggling his head into Harry's neck. 

"They went to Cheshire for the weekend. I told them we had an assigment Monday that I have to study for, so they let me stay home," Harry says softly. 

"I got you a present!" Louis says proudly, retrieving the bagged bear from the floor. 

"Is that so? I got you one too," Harry smiles, pulling out a very poorly wrapped present from under the bed. 

Both boys open their presents at once, gasping at it's contents and locking eyes immediately. 

They had both gotten each other the same teddy bear. 

"Oh God I didn't know you would get that, I can take it back-" Louis begins.

"I don't at all want to take it back! It's very lovely! Now we can have really cute matching bears!" Harry laughs.

Louis and Harry lay down, Louis' head over Harry's bare chest. Feeling the small rise from his breathing and the beat of his heart reminded Louis why he was alive. 

"I've never been so in love with someone, Louis. One day we're gonna grow up and get married and adopt five kids," Harry says. 

"Definitely. But before that we'll go to as much countries as possible, go on cruises at sea, take tons of cheesy pictures for a scrapbook and trash a record number of hotels," Louis says. 

"Even more hotels than rock stars in the sixties did. It'll be us against the world Louis," Harry smiles. Louis loves the way his eyes are lighting up.

"And we won't need anyone besides each other," Louis finished. 

"Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me," Harry says, putting his hand through Louis' hair. 

"I wasn't living until I met you, I don't like living in this world without you," Louis says.

Harry grabs hold of his boyfriend's sharp collar bones and turns his head towards him, pressing his rosy lips against his. Both boys smile through the kiss, kissing back on each other passionatel . It becomes full on making out, their tongues sliding in each other's mouths, hands on each other's torsos as Louis' shirt gets thrown acorss the room. 

At a Halloween party a couple of months ago, Harry and Louis had been making out and it went pretty far. For first timers, neither of them had been bad at handjobs and blow jobs. They both knew that they wanted it again, and they both secretly longed for more. 

Harry had somehow rolled on top of Louis, and he was leaving trails of kisses on his neck and sucking once he found his sweet spot. Louis grinds slightly against Harry, his bulge begging to escape his jeans. Harry realizes his and unzips them, leaving Louis only in boxers. 

"I need you," Louis whispers to Harry as his face is swallowed in his neck. 

"Are you sure you're ready?" Harry asks, pulling his face up. 

"If you are, then of course I am," Louis says. 

15 was old enough to lose your virginity.

Harry smirks and steps out of bed, making Louis pout from the missing of contact.

"I'll be right back, be patient baby boy," Harry says, slipping out of the room. Harry goes into Nick's room, knowing Nick would have some lube. Harry had watched enough gay porn to know that lube was nessacary. Nick wasn't at all gay, but he loved to stick it in girl's asses. He found the bottle under the bed and returned to his room. He and Louis obviously didn't have STDs, so a condom wouldn't be nessacary.

Harry plugs his iPod into a radio and begins playing Sum 41. He sees Louis anticipating Harry's arrival on the bed, looking so pretty and vulnerable. 

Harry slips back and makes out with Louis again, grinding and feeling and giving each other hickies. Harry is the first to pull of his underwear, considering he is a lot more confident than Louis. 

Louis couldn't help but stare, for he had never seen it in the light. He gasps as his own underwear are pulled down, covering himself out of reflex and insecurity. 

"It's just me baby, it's okay," Harry says.

Louis puts his hands back on Harry's back, kissing his neck to distract himself from his anxiousness. Harry does all he can to prepare Louis, and although it hurts and makes Louis more nervous, he knows it's too late to back out now. 

Harry has already covered himself in lube and has never been more ready. He knows how scared Louis is just by the look in his eyes, and although Harry is scared too, he is great at hiding it. 

"You ready now LouLou?" Harry asks, pushing Louis' hair out of his eyes to admire more of his beauty. 

Louis nods awkwardly, one of his hands on Harry's cheek and the other on his lower back. 

Once he goes in, tears immediately brim at Louis' eyes from the unbearable pain. Harry pulls out in terror. 

"I can't do this, it's hurting you," Harry sighs.

"No Harry, I'll get used to it. Please," Louis says. 

"Okay," Harry says uneasily. 

"You can move it now," Louis says after a couple moments. Harry blushes and begins pushing I'm and out, and although it's painful for Louis it soon becomes pleasurable and he just can't get enough. It's the best thing either of them ever had, and they've never felt closer to each other. 

"I lo-love you," Louis says. 

"I love you m-more," Harry replies, and they once they finish it off, Harry falls beside Louis on the bed. Both of them lay there catching their breath, taking in what had just happened. 

"That was amazing," Harry says. 

"I am so fucking in love with you Harry Styles. Even if you're going to make my ass sore for days," Louis says, making Harry laugh.

"I'm so in love with you too," Harry says, spooning himself over his lover. 

"Do you think we'll really be together forever?" Louis wonders. 

"Of course we will, I would never leave you," Harry says. 

The boys fall asleep together, feeling the happiest they had ever felt in their entire lives. Out of their fifteen years of living, neither of them had ever felt so alive. The truly believed that it would always be that way, and that would make them so in love with the thought of living. 

If only promises were meant to be kept.


	5. The Sixteenth December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now, things start to fall apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Profanity, Homophobia (could be upsetting/triggering to some people), minor violence, mentions of past violence, threats, upsetting chapter really, minor self harm.   
> Soz babes.

It was the sixteenth December when Harry broke Louis. 

In the minds of Harry of Louis, the past few years (especially the last two) had been pure bliss, a paradise of love and happiness, a small taste of what it actually means to be alive. Of course they planned on living this way forever, because it made them both feel like they were living above the clouds, only tasting the sweet of the air and having not a weight on their shoulders. However, even young lovers should know that nothing lasts forever.

Harry had never been more proud of anything than he was of his Louis. The fact that he had such a beautiful, perfect human being that was just as in love with him as vice versa. He longed for nothing more than to share it with the world world, kiss his boy under the rain for all to see, tell his family about silly things Louis had said or done at the dinner table, bring Louis somewhere special like all of the other couples and let everyone envy how perfect and happy they were together. He knew that if he had that last thing, they would be invincible. 

Louis was at Harry's house, and they were all eating dinner with Harry's family. It was a casual dinner, eating spaghetti and talking about the weather and the politics and how Harry was supposed to do the laundry. It was a casual day in the lives of Louis and Harry, and both of them expected that the day would end that way. The saddest part is that it would've been if Harry hadn't decided to make that one mistake.

Harry just couldn't handle how beautiful Louis looked under the golden light of his kitchen, how his lips were pink and plump and just ready to be captivated. He didn't see why he should have to hold back, Louis is his. He should never be ashamed of such a beautiful thing with a beautiful person. 

So when Harry was walking Louis to the door after they were finished eating, and he looked back to see the eyes of his mother and his step father and Nick, he turned back to Louis and held the back of his head and kissed him. Just as magical as anytime before. It wasn't any different from when no one was watching them. 

Once Harry pulls away, Louis nods and weakly smiles and exits the door. Harry smiles from ear to ear and turns back to his family, trying to read the expression on their faces. Shocked, angry, disgusted, a little bit of them all.

"What the fuck did you just do?" Nick asks.

"I kissed my boyfriend, what does it look like I just did?" Harry chuckles confidently. 

"How long has this been going on?" His mother asked.

"Two years, the best two years of my life," Harry says proudly.

"I knew it! I told you there was something up with that kid! We always knew you were a slut Harry but a goddamn fag?" Nick yells. 

"Yep, guess you couldn't know everything Nick. I thought you might grow suspicions when I always steal your lube from under the bed," Harry giggles, making all of them gasp.

Nick jumps up from the table and knocks Harry straight in the face, making him tumble to the ground. Harry kicks him straight in the shin, only for Nick to fall on top of him and punch him in the eyes as many times as possible. Harry pushes and kicks in defense, but Nick is too strong for him and gets the further advantage. Harry is struggling to breath and calls out for help from his parents, but not loud enough for Louis to hear, because he knows he would come and step in and get hurt. Harry could never let Louis get hurt. 

"Why aren't you helping me?" Harry asks his parents, one of his eyes bruised closed and blood seeping out of his lip.

"You had it coming. I don't want no faggot as a son," his mother says bitterly, walking away with her husband like nothing. 

One of Harry's worse nightmares was coming true. He couldn't believe it. Tears pour out of his face, thinking about how he and Louis should run away tonight.

Nick stops beating on Harry, holding up his shoulders to admire what had been done to Harry's face.

"Look at me when I'm speaking to you, faggot," Nick says, holding his head into place.

"Is faggot the only word in your vocabulary, you fucking idiot," Harry says, only to be punched in the ribs again. He growls in defeat and and looks up at Nick. 

"I don't like having little fairies like you living in my town, especially not living in my house," Nick spits. 

"I don't like having big assholes living in my town or my house either but there's nothing either of us could do about it," Harry replies angrily. 

"Listen here, you little shit. You know that I am always capable of getting what I want and getting away with it. You're going to hang out with my crowd from now on. You're going to go up to that Louis kid tomorrow and out him with us, and tell him he means nothing to you and to never talk to you again. And you better not talk to him again, or I will find him and make sure you never see him again," Nick says. 

"You can't control my life," Harry sobs. 

"Yes I can Harry, and yes I will. You know I've gotten rid of someone before. You know I won't hesitate to get rid of that faggot Louis as well," Nick smirks. 

"Don't you talk about my Louis like that and don't you date fucking touch Louis," Harry says firmly. 

"Or what Harry? You'll hurt me? Just look at your method of defense," Nick laughed hysterically. 

Harry knew that Nick had killed somebody. A couple months ago he had seen Nick and his friend go out and hide a body, and Nick knew that he knew, but neither of them said anything. He knew that Nick was capable of killing somebody. He knew that he was capable of killing Louis to get what he wanted.

"Please don't do this to me," Harry sobs, careful not to be loud enough for Louis to hear.

"No Harry, you're ending it with him tomorrow. Its going to be over, or you know what will happen. And don't you dare try to run away, because I will find you, and I will kill him right in front of your eyes," Nick whispers. 

"How could you be so evil?" Harry sobs painfully. 

"Look here Harry. Ending it with him wont be the end of the world. He'll get over it. At least he'll be alive, right?" Nick smirks. 

"You're really fucking sick. I hate you," Harry says, and Nick lets him go. Harry limps to his bed, feeling that he'll be sick if he looks at Nick again. He drops to his bed and digs his face in the pillow, full on ugly sobbing. He doesn't sleep that night, just sobs for hours and hours wishing he could just roll over and die. There was no avoiding it now. He was going to hurt his baby. He couldn't love him anymore. The worse part would be that Louis would never understand why Harry was doing that. 

Two years in heaven would result in two years in hell. 

The next day had arrived, and Louis had woken up in a reasonably cheery mood. He couldn't stop thinking about the night before when Harry had kissed him in front of his family. Could this mean something? NICK was there. Could Nick let Harry slide because he was his step brother?

Louis decided to stop thinking about it and get ready for his school day like everyday. He just couldnt wait to see Harry. 

Louis had gotten to school and was waiting at the lockers for Harry. Harry arrived a little late, and the way he arrived made Louis gasp. He was pretty beaten up, his eyes were bloodshot and teary. 

"Harry baby what happened to you?" Louis calls out, running towards his boyfriend. 

"Don't touch me," Harry says harshly, walking past. 

Louis feels like he got stabbed in the heart. He had never felt such confusion. 

"Did I do something wrong?" Louis asks, running ahead. 

"I dont know Louis, did you?" Harry turns around, his eyes bitter. Nick and his gang are surrounding them now.

"I honestly can't think of anything I've done since last night, what is your problem?" Louis asks. 

"Last night? Who said anything about last night?" Harry says.

"Well you were perfectly fine with me last night?" Louis wonders. He's never been more confused in his life. 

"Its been since the beginning, Louis," Harry says. 

"You aren't even making any sense," Louis says. 

"Okay, let's cut to the chase. I never loved you. You were just the only one I knew. Now, I found people who I belong with. You were fun for sex and all but I'm done with you now. Just get out of my life, Louis," Harry says, turning away. He hopes he isn't expected to say more.

"But I don't understand, Harry. Why are you just deciding this now?" Louis asks. 

Harry gulps and turns around. "Because now I realized that my experiment is over. You were just brainwashing me into being a faggot. Goodbye Louis," Harry said. 

"Faggot," the whole group chanted repetitively as Harry turned around with years streaming down his face. He never more longed so much for death. 

Louis turned around and ran as fast as he could out of the school yard, letting his feet carry him as possibly far away from that nightmare. It really was the worse thing he could ever imagine. He tried to imagine that this was just a dream, but the heavy pain in his heart was too strong. 

He ran into his house and sobbed and sobbed, wondering what he had done wrong. He cried the whole day, and he also wanting nothing more but to die.  
And he although he NEVER thought he'd be that person, but somewhere along the way of self hatred and confusion, he went into the bathroom and found a razor blade. And he pressed it against his wrist.  
And that's how the nightmare began.


	6. The Seventeenth December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many of the best things come with a tragic ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: self harm, suicidal thoughts, suicidal actions, heartbreak, profanity, death.
> 
> I'm so sorrrry.

It was the seventeenth December when Louis left Harry. 

" Dear Harry,  
Today would've been our third anniversary (five years since I met you) and I know that its pathetic of me to keep track of these things but you know how I am with dates. It used to be a useful skill, the way it allowed me to remember our anniversary so that we could give each other cute little bears and have the best sex that you'll ever have. But now, the dates are just tearing me a part. Remembering the innocence of the day we just met or the camping trip, how amazing it was when we first kissed or when you first made love to me. I noticed how all of our most special times fell in December. December has arrived again, and the dates are bringing toxin to my brain. The memories of how lovely you were and how happy you made me and how in love with each other we were. At first, it was these memories that kept ms going. I was pretty sure that I knew every inch of your soul and that everything I knew about you was real. And because of this knowledge, I repetitively told myself that that there was some twist and you would be coming back for our happily ever after. Nevertheless, I've been spending shitloads of time trying to figure out what is was that I had done wrong, or what it was to make you drastically change so quickly. Within those 365 days of investigation and very heavy self exploration, I've went to fucking hell and got stuck there trying to get back. You know the day that you said those horrible things to me at school, the day we broke up? I ran straight home after that and cried all fucking day, and then you know what I did Harry? I cut myself. I grabbed a goddamn razor and drug it across my wrist. You know how I always was saying that I would never be that kind of person. I never understood what the purpose was in forcing pain onto yourself. That was probably just acting out. The next three months was the worst I had ever been through. Nick's friends beat me up everyday and I could see you in the distance, and that was the part that really hurt me. It got to the point where mother got me homeschooled. It worked for a month or so, but I couldn't find the right mind to do it anymore. So instead of attending my online classes, I spent all of my days lost in thought of the reasoning of what happened to us. The self hatred that I had for myself got so bad that something inside me broke completely, so that I went completely numb. Being numb is the worse thing in the world, because no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to feel anything. That was how self harm became a daily thing for me. The constant numbness gave me a whole new appreciation for pain, the only thing left to remind me that I was living. I took a look at myself in the mirror the other day and compared it to me in a picture of us last year, and I'm almost a completely different person. In that picture, my hair is in it's prime and my skin is slightly golden and I had finally gotten some curves and my eyes shun bright of happiness and love. I really did have a passion for living back then, but only with you by my side. Now, my skin is a deathly shade of pale, my hair is greasy and flat and dead, my bones are popping out since I haven't exactly had the inspiration of eating lately, and my eyes are completely dull and dead. I decided that I am a lost cause, and my purpose in the world doesn't exist if it isn't to be your lover.   
Believe it or not Harry Styles, after all of this pain and suffering that I have encountered since you left me alone, the worst thing that I have ever felt is not being able to cuddle with you, or text you random things from the internet, or kiss your neck or be able to call you mine. Everytime I attempted at falling asleep my mind was a disortion of the way you sounded when you said you loved me and the way your bitter words stung my heart when you split me open for all to see on that wretched day. I thought it was the way my father sounded when he shook my young shoulders and told me about my worthlessness and how I was to get out of his life that would tear me apart, but the pain that came from that was nothing compared to how it felt when you betrayed. I never trusted or loved someone like I did to you Harry. 

I know that you've been hurting to. Niall told me that you've been drinking everyday and always have a cigarette resting in your mouth and intoxicating your longues. I never pictured you being one to fall into that type of thing, but I also never pictured myself to be tearing open my own skin. I hear you crying at night, and the hardest thing is not being able to go in there and hold you until it's all better. I wonder if you're hurting because of me or if I really never mattered to you. I don't know what kind of demons you're facing now, but it's been long enough for me to lean towards the second option. I really do hate myself for believing that you would come back, almost as much as I hate myself for loving you. I guess everything happens for a reason. The beautiful times that we had were an actual taste of being alive, something many people don't accomplish as young as we were, which is why I don't need to live here any longer. Being broken by you opened my eyes that there is no such thing as happy endings and promises aren't meant to be kept, and that I have no more purpose in this world. And the only thing I know how to feel is my undying love for you, which is extremely demented of me, but I am a demented human being. 

Sometimes I wonder what you'll think of this letter. Maybe that I'm desperate for attention, maybe that I am begging for sympathy, maybe that I am an obsessed psycho who doesn't understand the concept of moving on. However, if you didn't get this letter, my legacy would be nonexistent. I need you to understand what you've done to me. You've taken over my life Harry, literally. The least thing you could do for me is understand that you are the only concept living in my mind, even if you're the reason I am standing on a chair with a jump rope tied around my neck. 

This isn't goodbye Harry. In another life, I will be your boy. We'll keep all our promises, us against the world. You'll always be my best friend forever and my soulmate all in one. 

You'll always be in my heart, even when it's not beating. Sincerely, Louis Tomlinson."

Louis dropped the pen with shaky hands and folded the tearstained paper into threes. He wrote "GIVE THIS TO HARRY" across the front in sloppy letters and dropped it on the drawer. 

He picked up the bear that Harry had gave him a lifetime ago and held it close to his chest, letting his patethic tears stain its tangled brown fur. He picked up the knife one more time, carving "OOPS" into his arm. He wouldn't break his promise with Harry to get these tattoos, even if that was the way it had to be done. 

Louis nervously takes a step forward on the chair, feeling the rope tighten a bit on his neck. He always knew this would be how it would end. A pathetic death for a pathetic person.

"I love you Harry," Louis smiled between the tears, holding the bear tight to his chest. And with that, he jumped. The rope was pulsing around his neck and his breathing had been cut off, his feet dangling helplessly above the floor. Soon, everything grew blurry and his hearing weakened and weakened. Through all of it, all he could think about was Harry. 

And just as fast as he had came, he was gone.


	7. The Eighteenth December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this is the last chapter. This story could've been written better but it was more a warmup to keep myself distracted from a shitty week I had. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE inbox me prompts or requests. Just leave the ship you want (1D or 5SOS), the prompt (summary) or setting that you'd want, and whether its a short story or a one shot. And PLEASE GIVE FEEDBACK!  
>  Much love,   
> Sar 

It was the Eighteenth December when Harry missed Louis.  
"Dear Louis,  
No, this is not a suicide note. I am too much of a coward to intentionally go through death. I can't lie that I've thought of it many times, seeing as that's the only way I could get back to you, but I just couldn't find the balls to do it.   
I decided that after all of this time, it would only be polite to respond to your letter. I began to fear that you believed I hadn't gotten it, or believed I didn't care. In reality, I have every word of it memorized in every corner of my brain, for my eyes have devoured each and every letter every day since I received it. And everytime that I pull it out of my pocket to endure your words, the cancerous memory of that day creeps back into my mind.   
I had realized that it had been a year since I betrayed you, and I couldn't handle the pain of it any longer. I was going to have to get rid of Nick. I was going to go to the police station the next day after school and report the murder that Nick had committed. That way, I can run into your house and tell you the truth and scoop you into my arms and everything will be back to normal. We can ensure our promises and fight for our happily ever after. I could never mean any of the toxic things that I said to you baby boy, but if o hadn't Nick would have killed you. I realized how much you were hurting and it really broke my heart, but it was better than having you dead. I would do anything to take back the kiss I gave you in front of my demon of a stepbrother. Our love was just so surreal and I couldn't help but to show it to the world. I couldn't hold it in any longer and I hate myself for it.   
I couldn't stop staring at your house that night. I was excited to finally be able to hold you again and let you know that I would never hurt you and that being apart from you was breaking me. I had to keep myself intoxicated all the time to try to forget how fucked up it all was and how much I loved and missed you. I knew something was wrong that night. I wasn't sure what and I wasn't sure how, but something horribly wrong was happening in your house and it was scaring the life out of me. I was extremely tempted to just knock on your window and make sure you were alright, but I knew that it was too risky.   
A couple moments later, I heard an ear piercing scream followed by cries of your name and orders to call 911. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran to your house and ran through the door, following the sobs to your room. 

"What happened?" I asked Lottie when I ran into her in the hall. Tears were running down her face as she hangs up the phone. 

She turns to me with the thickest look of disgust that I've ever seen. "Get the hell out of here, you asshole," she said.

"Please Lottie, I promise I'll explain later," I pleaded.

"Well good luck explaining to Louis. Go see what you've caused," she cried, shoving me to your room. The sight that I saw when I came in is one that will be engraved in the back of my head forever. 

Your mother was a mess, screaming and sobbing and holding you in her arms, trying to call out for her baby. She had cut it already, but the jump rope was still grasped tightly around your neck, and it was obviously as to what had just occurred. Your skin was a shade of white and your chest was still in movement, and blood was pouring out of you arm. I noticed you had carved the word 'oops' and memories of the day we said we would get those matching tattos stream through my head. It wasn't until I leaned down and grabbed your fragile wrist and held it to feel no pulse that I realized you were gone forever. You had taken your own life, and it was all because of me. 

I broke down as well, holding your wrist to my chest and sobbing as hard as your mother was. It got worse when I realized you were holding the bear, for I thought you had burned it out of spite a long time ago. 

When the paramedics came to take you down to the place where they stored lifeless bodies, I fought and kicked and screamed when they tried to take you away. I couldn't handle the fact that I'd never again lay eyes on your beautiful face, or press my lips against yours, or hold you or make love to you or see your beautiful smile. They had to push me off as they slid your body away from my touch, and once again, you were taken away from me. My vision was getting blurry and I was getting sick to my stomach, and all I wanted to do was die. After that, it all went black.

When I awoke, I prayed that somehow this could've been a terrible nightmare. However, I was quick to realize that I was just drowning in a cruel and unfair reality. The love of my life was dead, and I will never full accept that. I explained to your family what happened with Nick, and they all had cried and hugged me. When I saw Nick again, I was attempting to longue for the kill. He was the reason my baby was dead. Lottie and Felicite held me back as he was handcuffed and pushed in a cop car, where he belonged. 

Your funeral was the hardest part. Everyone had found out about the Nick situation and everyone felt sorry for me. As soon as Niall and I saw each other we ran into each other's arms and mourned for our wonderful Louis. Your mother gave a speech about how you were her rock when your father walked out and how she couldn't have done it without you, how your snarkiness made her smile and she doesn't know how she'll manage to live without you. Lottie and Felicite gave a joint speech about how they always looked up to you, Niall gave one about how you were the coolest person he's ever known and then it was my turn. I talked about how you and Lottie first approached me when I moved to London and how you were the most beautiful thing I have ever known, how happy you made me. How I don't think I'd be able to ever be me again since you are gone. 

Seeing you sink into the ground was almost as bad as seeing your dead body. If I didn't have support at my sides, I definetely would've gone out of control. I did make sure they buried you with the bear. 

At the end of the funeral, your mother approached me and handed me a piece of paper. I opened it quickly and discovered that it was a letter from you. I read it over and over again, but every time I just hated myself more until my heart completely burst. That was the numb feeling that you had been talking about. I just had a different method of dealing with it. I've been drunk or high for the past year. 

Your family moved out of that house soon after you died, because it was too hard for them to pass your room or see the spaghetti stains that you had left on the wall a couple of years ago. I left as well, to live in a dorm at UNI. I never planned on seeing my family ever again. I made a lot of friends here, but none of them will ever compare to you. 

As painful as it is to live on without you, I know that it is my destiny to live on and fulfill and successful life. I need to live the life that you would deserve in your memory. But I would never fall in love again. You will always be my soulmate. Our ending wasn't meant to be that way. 

I can't wait to see you again Louis. I love you with all of my heart and I will never forget you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. 

Me and you against the world, Louis. Forever and Ever. 

Love, Harry Styles."

Harry was sitting in front of his old lover's grave, picking all of the weeds and polishing the stone so that his baby would be pretty and respected. He took the letter that he had written and tucks it into the mud, foolishely hoping that it would get to Louis. Harry had gotten the "Hi" tattoo, just as he and Louis had promised. He took out the bear that Louis had given him, holding it close and putting it back in his bag. 

He blew Louis' grave one last kiss before standing up and walking away. He knew that Louis wanted him to clean himself up and live life. So that is what he would do. 

And one day, at some point in the future, Louis and Harry would be united again, as they're meant to be. They'll fulfill every adventure that was meant for earth.

No, there may not be such things as happy endings. But maybe, just maybe, those things would be put aside for another world much more promising than this one.


End file.
